


til kingdom come

by grbgefsh



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mentions of blood and gore, Post-Game(s), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 15:51:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21412729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grbgefsh/pseuds/grbgefsh
Summary: I plead to an empty cave, soundless and still, cold and isolated. I apparently do not even deserve to be with Him in death.---Asra and MC post-game, someone dies, happy ending-ish
Relationships: Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana)
Kudos: 5





	til kingdom come

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Most scenes take place after the game, except for one. Scenes are also not chronologically arranged.  
2\. Asra POV. capital "He/Him/His/You" refers to the game's player character  
3\. If you don't mind getting a bit spoiled on the game, here's the Apprentice's fandom [page](https://thearcanagame.fandom.com/wiki/The_Apprentice), which details some events prior to the game mentioned in this fic.  
4\. Inspired by Coldplay's Til Kingdom Come. I suggest listening to it before reading! Here's a [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0UN-pVTLf4) to the official audio.

\---

_Steal my heart and hold my tongue_   
_I feel my time, my time has come_

"Asra, Asra, it's okay..."

"NO! I won't lose You again- I can't- I-" The lump in my throat is a hot coal blocking everything I want to say. And there is so much I want to say, so much I want to tell Him. I want to tell Him of the Nevivon salt baths that feel almost exactly like when I'm spooning Him in the dead of winter. I want to tell Him of the Heirophant's wine cellar with hundreds of the finest wines none of which are nearly as exquisite as His smile. I want to tell Him of the frigid cold of the South, colder than the waterfall we bathed in on the way to Nopal. I shake my head.

I have to focus, I asked my father to teach me the healing spell he used in the Arcana's realms, after the tree attacked us, I should be able to fix this, to fix Him. This amount of blood is nothing right? He can get it back with the right food and enough sleep, right?

"Asra, please you need to get out, you can still make it-"

"I'm not leaving You!" My voice cracks. Why are You talking like that? We have time, the cave won't give way just yet, I can still heal You; we can both get out of here! Why aren't You trying?!

I must have said my thoughts aloud because when I look at Him again, His face-oh! His beautiful face-is marred by streaks of earth and blood, and He is smiling at me. But the smile doesn't reach His eyes, I can see His fear, His despair, I could feel Him trying to be brave. "Please. I need to know you'll be safe. I was always living on borrowed time."

\---

_Let me in, unlock the door_   
_I never felt this way before_

When I look at Him, I'm always struck dumb. For all my knowledge and studies of every kind of magical art, I am always left speechless by the wonders He holds in His obsidian irises. Sometimes, when the morning sun falls just right, I can see them turn the darkest brown, flecks of gold just barely glinting. When I look deep into them I find myself unable to surface. Held in His gaze and in His arms, I can think of a thousand different nights when I used to watch the stars by the docks with Muriel, and none of them can even come close to the constellations in His eyes. If I can't see them, I listen to His breathing, His heartbeat, always matching my own. I listen and I hear the gentle waves lapping on the shore among the thousand pools in my gate. I listen and I hear a majestic beast's wings, ever present, ever beating, ever strong. I caress every part of Him I can possibly touch, His arms, His chest, His shoulders, His back, His hips, His face. They are warm, and close, and real. I trace every scar, every freckle, every tattoo. His mouth is moving, He's saying something and His brows are furrowed.

"-really worries me. We should go and make sure it's nothing dangerous."

"Sure, you know I'll go to the ends of the world with you and beyond, if you would ask." I kiss His knuckles, His palm, His wrists. He smiles, rolling His eyes but His cheeks are tainted with color, and a small smile perks His lips. Whatever worry He has, we soon both forget, and I hold Him close before the waking world pulls us apart.

\---

_And the wheels just keep on turning_   
_The drummer begins to drum_

"I don't know about this, it feels wrong." I step cautiously, the ball of light in my hand flickering in the darkness of the cave, barely reflecting the walls

"Yes, I can feel something bad far inside. It's... ancient."

I can hear a rhythm as if the cave itself was breathing. The tunnel seemed like a giant maw, the stalactites and stalagmite it's teeth, the foul stench of sulfur its breath.

"Look! Wards. But they're pointing inwards?"

"I'm not sure if I've ever seen this before." I rack my memories, trying to remember if any of the symbols on the wards are familiar. One jumps out to me, a hieroglyph of a three-fingered claw. I've seen it in a book of legends and myths, about ravenous beings older than even the concepts of the Arcana. The Magician said they thrived in darkness and lived in the black fathomless void between life and death, between the realms, unable to surface to the light of the Arcana. If one had somehow escaped to the physical world, we cannot let it stay, it must be sent back for the safety of Vesuvia. "Let's keep moving."

The cave continues breathing, beckoning us deeper.

\---

_I don't know which way I'm going_   
_I don't know which way I've come_

We run, stumbling over rocks that burst suddenly, holes in the ground that appear out of nowhere, dead ends that snuff out our hope. We were no match, even with the Fool's magic. The beast was far too powerful, feeding on the malevolent energy steeped in this lightless cave. It grew in strength throughout the centuries, biding its time until someone could free it. The wards were the only thing keeping it back, the slightest thread of magic holding back a tidal wave of evil fouler than the plague; and by daring to venture further, we unknowingly unleashed it. It was free now, it would wreck havoc on the world, feed on the sun and the moon, blot out the stars, and call its brethren forth. My arrogance has brought the world a terrible curse, that nowhere would be safe for me and my Beloved.

We keep running and suddenly the cave around us collapses. I'm quick enough to run past and dive out of the way but my hand slips from His. Panic turns my blood into ice and I scrabble up the mound, coughing against the dust that swirls around the collapse. "Are You there? Please! Answer me!"

"I'm here! I'm stuck. Agh. My leg's pinned under a boulder!"

_ <strike>"There you are! Why have you abandoned me? I still need to reward you for granting me my freedom!"</strike> _

My heart nearly stops when I hear the bone-chilling, teeth-grating voice of the beast. I gather what little magic I have left and blast the rocks, hoping to clear a small tunnel I can pull Him through, save Him, somehow.

"Come get some, you ugly son of a bitch!"

I nearly laugh at how unstoppable His determination is, even in the face of certain obliteration. And I love Him all the more for it.

\---

_Hold my head inside your hands_   
_I need someone who understands_

No. No. No. It's not possible. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I made a deal! I gave up part of my heart! Get up! "**GET UP!**"

I am in so much shock I hadn't even noticed that the cave had stopped shaking.

He isn't breathing. I can't feel His heart beat. Even His aura has disappeared. I drag His body close, holding His head, touching our foreheads. I pour my magic into Him, willing Him to come back to me.

A twitch, then nothing.

The beast is gone, but this cost is too much.

I try again. Even using my own life force to pry Him from Death's freezing embrace.

Nothing.

Frustrated, I shake His shoulders. "You can't do this to me! You're supposed to be better! You were supposed to live! That was the deal! Open Your eyes! Please!"

I deny the cavernous emptiness in my stomach. I deny the dull ache in my chest. I deny lump in my throat, choking me. I pour magic into Him again, pathetically. I cannot pour anymore. I try to resist but the darkness claims me.

When I come to, my vision is blurry. Did we fall asleep in the fields again?

Then the memories flood back. My vision sharpens into focus and I look around wildly, hoping against all hope that it was just a nightmare. I see His lifeless body and call out, asking, praying that He is just fast asleep.

I plead to an empty cave, soundless and still, cold and isolated. I apparently do not even deserve to be with Him in death.

The tears fall thick and fast. I don't even notice, I'm already shouting. Cursing the world, hurling dirt around me, banging my fists on His chest, begging Him, the Arcana, anyone to give Him back to me. I become a wild, feral thing. Not human, just a ghost in a desolate cave screaming my desperation, my wrath, my sorrow. And there is no one, nothing to witness me. I shake His lifeless body again, an emerald necklace falls.

And just like that, all the fight leaves my body. I slump over his, and let the tears flow. The ache in my chest is overwhelming, my throat raw and dry, my body heaving as I sob dolefully. You would think that it would hurt less with only half my heart, but it hurts, twice as much than that dark evening at the beaches of the Lazaret.

I had Him back, He was already in my arms. And now I've lost Him twice.

\---

_I need someone, someone who hears_   
_For you, I've waited all these years_

I sit by the fountain in the palace grounds, carving His name on the willow tree. There are only a few days left before the Masquerade, Nadia is busy around the palace managing everything in Lucio's stead, and I haven't seen Julian anywhere. Lucio's probably threatened him to cure the plague before the Masquerade so he could join in. I know what Lucio plans to do and I will not allow it, but it doesn't mean I won't use this chance to my advantage. Having one of the Arcana step into the physical world requires no small amount and strength of magic; and to have the Devil itself, the one Arcana that represented my desire to have my Beloved back in the physical world, is a fortuitous coincidence. I will use its magical energy to bring Him back.

I miss Him.

Morbidly, I often wonder what His last moments were like. Did He resent me? Did He blame me? I certainly do. Was anyone there for Him? Did anyone care for Him the same way He cared for all those He helped? Was He scared? Was He lonely? What were His last words? What was He thinking of when He faced death? Was I in His thoughts? Every question renews the ache in my chest. I use this to fuel me, to affirm my plans when I begin to have doubts. He didn't deserve to die like that, alone, afraid, forgotten, with no one to care for Him or to comfort Him in His last days, no one to fulfill His last wishes. I was supposed to be there, beside Him. If He contracted the plague, I, too, would let it consume me, if it meant that we would never be apart, in life or in death.

I run my fingers through the cool water of the fountain. All this wait is making me anxious, I've been prepared for days. I can't wait-

"Asra, there you are," I hear Nadia striding towards me. She's in her horse riding outfit. "Have you found anything?"

"I haven't been able to find any mention of this kind of plague, Nadi. I've gone through most of the old records up until about one hundred fifty years ago. Before that, there's just not much more to sift through."

"I had hoped for better news by now," she sighs and sits beside me on the lip of the fountain. "I guess as long as it gives everyone hope, and Vesuvia sees that we care for its people, then your efforts are not in vain. Thank you Asra."

"Of course."

"What were you doing here? Forgive me for prying, but you looked rather morose."

"I was just remembering someone I lost."

"To the plague?" Her tone is curious but careful.

"Yes." I answer simply.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. He died helping people. I'm sure that's how He would have wanted to be remembered."

"He sounds like a kind soul. And very important to you."

"He is. I've known Him for nine years." And I've loved Him for just as long, though I don't say this aloud.

"Is He the reason why you took up our offer?"

"Yes. I think this is what He would have wanted to do, had He lived."

We sit in silence for the rest of the afternoon.

\---

_In your tears and in your blood_   
_In your fire and in your flood_

I groan and blearily open my eyes. Light flashes in the periphery of my vision, but a high-pitched whine in my head renders me unable to hear anything. Then, the pain comes. I touch the back of my head and see my blood.

"-sra, please tell me you're okay!" His brow is furrowed as He shields my vulnerable form.

"I'm alright. Just a few cuts!"

He blasts another ball of fire at the beast, this time taking the form of a giant centipede thrice as big as Muriel. It makes contact but it's not hot enough to pierce the tough carapace. I lean on a rock and do my best to stand, the inside of my right thigh has a deep gash from an earlier mistake. He, on the other hand, is barely standing after we removed the boulder that had pinned Him down. The beast had caught up to us then, and we were forced to fight it once more.

_ <strike>"Why do you struggle? Why do you resist? This world will be consumed, I am merely sparing you the heartache of seeing it all end."</strike> _

I lob another bolt of magical energy at it, but it misses as it changes into a giant tarantula.

<strike>_"Such futile resistance. My brethren will come and we will feast on this plane. Your magic will fuel our conquest!"_</strike> It blasts us with a web, trying to trap us.

In one fluid slicing motion, He halves the blast and it coats the cave wall behind us. I retaliate by gathering the water around the stalactites and stalagmites, and send it as a boiling, pressurized jet straight into its beady eyes. It roars and changes form into a creature we have no name for.

<strike>_"You think your puny tricks will destroy us? We, the Ancient Ones! We, the First Existence! We, of the Void! We are infinite and eternal! Our forms may wither but our power does not! And I have been feeding for centuries, Magician!"_</strike> It changes form into a giant serpent this time, poisonous green eyes ablaze in the darkness of the cave.

"Asra! I have an idea! If it's of the Void, we can't defeat it, but maybe we can banish its physical form! We just need it to transform into a size we can deal with!"

"We need to trap it!" Immediately, I begin to send waves of energy at the rocks surrounding the creature while He sends bolts of lightning to distract the beast. Eventually, we force it into the form of the biggest horse I've ever seen, thundering straight at us. We both dive out towards opposite directions, limping away. I am on the offense this time and hurl rocks and boulders while He closes the space around the beast which has now turned into a bear.

_<strike>"You think I am weakened by my centuries under the earth? You seek to remove my blight from this world? You will never succeed! You are weak and wounded, and your pain and fear only feeds me!"</strike>_ A wave of flames that I cast sets its fur ablaze, slightly dispelling the darkness but encases it in a menacing glow. He manages to enclose it further and forcing it to change into a wolf.

"Asra! A portal! Now!"

I begin to form one behind the beast, using the cave's own dark energy to connect it to the Void. He forms His magic into sharp javelins and hurls them at the beast. Most don't connect but the onslaught forces it back, closer to the portal I'm trying to maintain.

_ <strike>"Heathens! We are your first gods! We gave your power! We gave you strength! We gave you magic! Ingrates, all of you!"</strike> _

I cannot move away or the portal will close and He is getting dangerously close to the beast, within its pouncing distance. "Look out!" He stumbles and the beast seizes its chance, sinking its teeth into His left side and tears away the flesh, His insides spilling. With an extremely powerful blast of magical energy that caves the ceiling, He sends the beast into the portal, just as I leap to reach Him.

The world grays as my vision zooms in to Him. The beast's howls, still echoing around the now empty cave, fade into nothing as His prone body becomes my only focus.

\---

_I hear you laugh, I heard you sing_   
_I wouldn't change a single thing_

We are at the palace, listening to Julian and Portia recount their adventures on Mazelinka's ship. My parents are discussing the plans for the aqueduct with Valerius, the tea they've been served all but forgotten. I'm not listening, though. I'm watching Him, how His eyes crinkle when He laughs at Julian's misfortune; how His eyes shine with tears from laughing at Portia's corrections to Julian's absurd tale; how He leans forward when Nadia asks a question, eagerly awaiting Julian's answer. The morning sun streams through the windows of the salon. It illuminates one side of His face, highlighting His freckles, while casting the other in shadow, making His eyes shine prominently. He sips His tea and His tongue darts out to catch the drips that fall off. I am mesmerized, downright hypnotized at how His lips are bright and full with life. My thoughts take a turn to the more lustful and I feel heat creep up my neck.

"You like Him," I hear Muriel say. He's convinced me to try and help Muriel be more comfortable around people, isolation evidently only bringing loneliness.

"I do."

"Why."

"I don't know how to explain, I just do." Muriel looks at me apprehensively. "It's like I found a part of me I didn't even know I was missing."

\---

"_Run!_" I hear Faust urge me. My feet carry me out into the sunshine but my heart and my mind are left behind in that dark cave.

I couldn't save Him.

I couldn't even bring His body with me.

I left Him behind again.

He'd called Faust when I began to try and heal Him. He knew He wasn't going to make it. He made sure I would. Even dying, I was the one in His mind.

But it doesn't matter now, He's gone, and I'm all alone.

Once I'm outside the cave, I collapse on a patch of grass, Faust squeezing my right arm. "Asra." We'd left her behind before entering the cave. In case something happened, she could fetch someone. Not that it would've helped much in hindsight, seeing the monster that had lain within.

A breeze parts the leaves of a tree and a sliver of sunlight shines on my dirt-blackened, blood-streaked face. I hear birds singing in the distance. A stream or a brook is bubbling not far from where I lie. The forest is alive and bright and full, an insulting contrast to the darkness and desolation of the cave, to the gut-wrenching, bone-chilling emptiness inside me. How dare it be so alive when there is nothing else worth living for? How dare it be so cheery and bright when all I could feel was weariness in my soul? What spiteful god placed me in this hellish nightmare, surrounded by life, but wishing so dearly to join the departed?

_And the wheels just keep on turning_   
_The drummers begin to drum_   
_I don't know which way I'm going_   
_I don't know what I'll become_

\---

I'm sitting cross-legged in front of His grave, quietly listening to the sounds of the clearing. The light breeze rustles the grass around me. carrying the sounds of the forest just beyond the clearing. The wispy clouds dapple the sunlight that reaches my back. I breathe in deep, hold it for four counts, and slowly let go.

It has been six years since I lost Him. I had lain on that patch of grass for what must have felt like days, willing death to claim me. But, stubbornly, I lived, and my life seemed all the lesser having lost Him. I went back home, and wept into my parents arms until I could no more. I spent weeks and months inconsolable, sometimes in a rage, most of the time retreating into my mind, imagining what I could have done differently, how I could have saved Him. At one point I obsessively sketched His portrait, having started to forget His face already. I carved His name on every surface I could find. I refused food, sleep, or any distraction. I shut my parents out, I pushed away my friends, I willed myself to oblivion. I refused to go to the Arcana, the realms only reminding me of fond memories too painful to remember.

Surprisingly, it was Portia who shook me out of my cycle of feverish mania and masochistic melancholy. She pulled my ears and lead me out of the room, lecturing me all the while about how His death had affected them all as well, how could I not see that? I scoffed then, their pain insignificant and incomparable to mine. But she shoved me into His old room, back when Nadia had hired Him to find Julian. She took something from the drawer, a stack of papers neatly organized. I immediately recognized His handwriting, and devoured His words. All the while He was investigating Lucio's death, He was worried about me, if I was safe, if I was eating enough, if I was resting properly. I'd cried then, the first time since I came back to the palace. Portia told me that He wouldn't have wanted me to waste away my life in grief.

I understood then, that He had simply gone ahead, that He was waiting for me, after I finished all the things I needed to do here.

I went to His grave for the first time that day. I cried, and wailed, and pounded, and stomped, and laughed, and smiled, and laid down, and danced around. I made Him promise to wait for me, that I had some things to take care of here, and then we would be together again.

"Asra? Are you ready to go?" Julian calls to me.

I open my eyes and smile softly. The summer air has bloomed the flowers adorning His grave, primroses, hyacinths, and astilbes.

_For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come_   
_Until my days, my days are done_   
_And say you'll come and set me free_   
_Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me_

_-Fin-_

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. If you see this from my twitter, The Arcana is a romance fantasy visual novel app, where you play as an amnesiac magician. This fic takes place after the game following the romance route of one of the characters, Asra.  
2\. Is it obvious that the non-chronology of my scenes is an attempt to shoehorn the song? lmao  
3\. Check out [my twitter!](https://twitter.com/grbgefsh) Fair warning it's very NSFW, and very disgustingly problematic! So don't go if you're not comfortable with that haha  
4\. As always any kind of feedback is welcome!  
5\. Still writing that Jacob and Joseph character study sorry lmao


End file.
